Much better than the verbal macaroni I tried.

crank!

Thousands of years ago, on Kobol, humans create Cylons, who eventually evolve to look
human. The Cylons and humans fight, leading to the Cylons leaving, about 4,000 years ago. They’re remembered by the humans as the 13th tribe. The 13th go to earth, where they forgo resurrection technology, ’cause they can reproduce the old-fashioned way now. 2,000 years later, the 13th have created their own mechanical cylons, who rebel and destroy everybody, as cylons are wont to do. Before this happens, five people on Earth have managed to recreate resurrection technology, and are saved from the apocalypse on Earth. They decide to go back to Kobol to share their tale about creating life which then destroys you, in the hopes of convincing the humans to either not create cylons, or else to at least treat them nicely. Unfortunately, they don’t have faster than light tech anymore (apparently that was lost after they got to earth along with resurrection) and it takes them 2,000 years to cross the distance to Kobol, and then on to the 12 colonies.

Meanwhile, about the same time as the apocalypse on earth, something bad happens on Kobol, so the humans leave, eventually settling in the solar system that contained the 12 colonies. After they get there, a sort of technological dark age ensues, records are lost, history becomes scripture, etc. The 13th tribe is remembered vaguely, but NOT that they were machines. Humans eventually rise to a level where they recreate mechanical Cylons (Centurions), who become self aware and rebel. While the war between humans and Centurions is going on, the five refugees from earth show up, but they’re too late. They present themselves to the centurions and make them a deal: Stop the war, and we’ll help you evolve further, into beings like ourselves. The Centurions take the deal and stop the war.

The five from earth create eight human prototypes with the centurions. One of the prototypes (Dean Stockwell, or Cavil) decides he hates his makers and kills them. They resurrect into new bodies, but Cavil blocks their memories and introduces new ones of his own making. He takes over the centurions and the New Cylons, and he slowly plants the Five into Colonial society over thirty years, so they can be there when the apocalypse he’s planning kicks off. He also hides knowledge of the creators from the rest of the new cylons, and programs them so they won’t ask questions about their makers.

Simple, right? Ah well, at least it makes more sense than Lost.

@thebizzz: I suspected that maybe they felt the tall heels would distract from the stone faces.

@Will J.: it’s funny to hear talking about comics isn’t it? Naturally they’re twenty-year old comics…

@Noel: you hate me.

thanks for listening folks,
crank!

What podcast did I wander into?